Category Archives: food

Heineken, schmeineken…

ThePabstBlueReuben-225x300This is what you get when you dip a reuben sandwich in PBR beer batter and fry it up:

The Pabst Blue Reuben

I was super drunk out in Vegas at the time and responded by saying something along the lines of “What if I took an entire Reuben sandwich, dipped it in Pabst beer batter and deep fried it? It could be called the Pabst Blue Reuben!”

They were into it an apparently the people over at Pabst were as well so they have me the go ahead and here it is — The Pabst Blue Reuben!

just based on the name alone, the Pabst Blue Reuben is pretty awesome, but taste-wise it was even better! I’ve yet to find a single food that beer batter and a quick dip in some 375° oil can’t improve upon.

No, bacon’s not going to kill you

6175755733_b2932d7838_b-998x668As if such a ridiculous notion had any sort of credibility behind it to begin with…damn busybodies are trying to steal our bacons:

The WHO’s Bacon Fatwa And The New Puritanism

I am shocked, shocked to discover that the claim that eating “processed meats” will give you cancer is a load of bunk.

The assertion was made last week in a new report from the WHO, the World Health Organization. From some press reports, you would get the idea that eating bacon is just like smoking cigarettes. Except that it isn’t.

According to the CDC, smokers are 15 to 30 times more likely to get lung cancer than non-smokers. How about bacon-lovers? The less sensational news reports indicate that eating bacon increases the lifetime risk of getting colon cancer from 5 percent to maybe 6 percent. In other words, from small to small.

Mayonnaise Is The Worst Condiment

…and if you disagree, you’re a doody-head:

Mayonnaise Is The Worst Condiment


OK, so you probably aren’t a doody-head, but mayo is still pretty nasty:

There exists in this world a condiment below all others. It has all of the flavor of sawdust and the sublime texture of soap scum. Until recently, I was unaware that The Federalist, lovers of freedom, etc., was complicit in its spread. I rise today to defend America—nay, the world—against such scurrilous anti-food propaganda.

As all Americans, especially Texans, know, mayonnaise is a tool of oppression used by communists and bland-food lovers everywhere. It is a form of mind control designed to cow you into a sense of complacency about life. Food has flavor, and mayo covers that flavor up. It destroys your ability to taste.

What do you do to a food if it is too intense, and you’re not Texan? You add mayonnaise. In much the same way that salt is used to flavor food, mayonnaise is used to bland it. It is flavor’s anti-particle: it annihilates on contact.